Some couples, however, seem destined to stay together forever. How do these lucky ones do it? How can you emulate their happiness, and what measures can you take to prevent cracks appearing in your relationship? We talked to experts and looked at the latest research to pinpoint the top 10 factors that will help you stay blissfully loved-up.
It's no secret that a healthy sex life is an essential ingredient to a happy relationship. But what is just as important is that both partners get into a pattern that they are comfortable with and, most importantly, satisfied by. Siski Green, author of How to Blow His Mind in Bed, says: "There is no daily recommended allowance on sex, and for good reason. A healthy sex life is simply a sex life that satisfies both people in the relationship. That could mean doing it twice a month for some couples, for others it might mean twice a day! Frequency is largely irrelevant unless one of you wants it more or less often than the other - that's when it becomes a problem."
Make sure it's not just about looks
It might be the first thing you notice about a person, but for your relationship to last beyond the so-called 'honeymoon' period, it should be based on more than a mutual physical attraction. "Usually, physical attraction is what brings you together in the first place," says Green. "And with that comes a cascade of chemical responses within your body, giving you the desire to keep seeing - and touching! Over time, those chemicals are replaced by others; bonding hormones that aren't as wildly exciting but make you feel close. If, however, all you have in common is a physical attraction, the loss of those initial feelings can leave you with no other 'glue' to hold you together. That's why enjoying each other's company, sharing a sense of humour and so on are so important to the long-term."
It might be the first thing you notice about a person, but for your relationship to last beyond the so-called 'honeymoon' period, it should be based on more than a mutual physical attraction. "Usually, physical attraction is what brings you together in the first place," says Green. "And with that comes a cascade of chemical responses within your body, giving you the desire to keep seeing - and touching! Over time, those chemicals are replaced by others; bonding hormones that aren't as wildly exciting but make you feel close. If, however, all you have in common is a physical attraction, the loss of those initial feelings can leave you with no other 'glue' to hold you together. That's why enjoying each other's company, sharing a sense of humour and so on are so important to the long-term."
Don't drink too much
An alcoholic drink can help us to unwind with our other halves, but overdo it too often and your relationship could be seriously threatened. Advice website drinkaware.co.uk says: "A glass of wine can help you and your partner feel more relaxed and sociable. Drink too much however, and you could find your night ruined by a booze-fuelled barney that neither of you really want. Late-night disagreements may often be resolved in the morning, but they can grow into relationship-threatening resentments." The best way to deal with the situation is to talk it through as soon as you can and, if you can, go alcohol-free or seriously scale back your intake.
An alcoholic drink can help us to unwind with our other halves, but overdo it too often and your relationship could be seriously threatened. Advice website drinkaware.co.uk says: "A glass of wine can help you and your partner feel more relaxed and sociable. Drink too much however, and you could find your night ruined by a booze-fuelled barney that neither of you really want. Late-night disagreements may often be resolved in the morning, but they can grow into relationship-threatening resentments." The best way to deal with the situation is to talk it through as soon as you can and, if you can, go alcohol-free or seriously scale back your intake.
Share long-term goals
Many couples drift apart because, though they love each other, they want totally different things from life. "Sharing the same long-term goals is almost more important than enjoying similar activities," says Green. "If you both look to the future and see yourselves in similar places - living in the country with kids, at the apex of your careers or simply hanging out with friends and living each minute to the full - you're more likely to stick it out. Even if you're not aware of it, you probably have a vague long-term ideal of where you'd like to be and if you're with someone who will stymie your progress it can be extremely frustrating, and could cause resentment. That crack in a relationship can quickly lead to a split."
Many couples drift apart because, though they love each other, they want totally different things from life. "Sharing the same long-term goals is almost more important than enjoying similar activities," says Green. "If you both look to the future and see yourselves in similar places - living in the country with kids, at the apex of your careers or simply hanging out with friends and living each minute to the full - you're more likely to stick it out. Even if you're not aware of it, you probably have a vague long-term ideal of where you'd like to be and if you're with someone who will stymie your progress it can be extremely frustrating, and could cause resentment. That crack in a relationship can quickly lead to a split."
Communicate
Failure to communicate is the reason why even some of the best relationships fail. If there is a problem, your partner can't do anything about it unless you tell them. "Communication is at the heart of all relationships," says counselling website Relate.org.uk. "If you're having problems, set aside time to talk when you will not be interrupted. Take it in turns to have air time. Tell your partner how you felt, feel or will be feeling about something without blaming them. This can be tricky but it is a very useful way of owning your feelings."
Failure to communicate is the reason why even some of the best relationships fail. If there is a problem, your partner can't do anything about it unless you tell them. "Communication is at the heart of all relationships," says counselling website Relate.org.uk. "If you're having problems, set aside time to talk when you will not be interrupted. Take it in turns to have air time. Tell your partner how you felt, feel or will be feeling about something without blaming them. This can be tricky but it is a very useful way of owning your feelings."
Keep having fun together
Just because you've been together for a while doesn't mean you should stop having fun together. Domestic bliss is no excuse for complacency, says Green. "A lot is made of having regular 'date nights' with your partner. The idea being that by spending quality time together, you'll keep your friendship and therefore your love fresh and alive. But for some couples 'quality time' doesn't mean going to a restaurant for a meal or weekend breaks. The key is to recognise the moments that allow you to reconnect with your partner and focus on doing those regularly. It could be that a countryside hike is you and your partner's time to bond and talk, or during a round of golf, or simply playing a game with the kids. Figure out what makes both of you feel closer and aim to do that more often, rather than focusing on other people's ideas of what makes a 'perfect couple moment.'"
Stay faithful
It may sound obvious, but the need for fidelity is something that still eludes many men and women, despite the ruinous impact this can have on their relationship. In a recent survey by womensavers.com, 22% or married men in the US said they have strayed at least once during their married lives, while 14% of women admitted to cheating. Meanwhile, the fact that 17% of divorces are linked to an infidelity shows just how important it is to remain loyal to your partner. Even if you get away with it, the fact that you've strayed it is likely to put unnecessary pressure on your relationship.
It may sound obvious, but the need for fidelity is something that still eludes many men and women, despite the ruinous impact this can have on their relationship. In a recent survey by womensavers.com, 22% or married men in the US said they have strayed at least once during their married lives, while 14% of women admitted to cheating. Meanwhile, the fact that 17% of divorces are linked to an infidelity shows just how important it is to remain loyal to your partner. Even if you get away with it, the fact that you've strayed it is likely to put unnecessary pressure on your relationship.
Don't spend too much time together
Are you and your boyfriend joined at the hip? That's fine if it's what you both want, but if it's too much for one of you, then your relationship could soon be on the rocks. Green says: "Some couples thrive on being together 24-7 and actually become closer as a result. Others will find the love they have for each other withering under the same conditions. It all depends on what kind of person you are when you're single and how much you've adapted to your way of life for the relationship. If, for example, you used to enjoy gossiping, dancing or going out with friends, then putting all your energies and time into one other person can leave you feeling empty. The key is to recognise when you're missing aspects of your life that you had before, and ensuring you don't give them up."
Are you and your boyfriend joined at the hip? That's fine if it's what you both want, but if it's too much for one of you, then your relationship could soon be on the rocks. Green says: "Some couples thrive on being together 24-7 and actually become closer as a result. Others will find the love they have for each other withering under the same conditions. It all depends on what kind of person you are when you're single and how much you've adapted to your way of life for the relationship. If, for example, you used to enjoy gossiping, dancing or going out with friends, then putting all your energies and time into one other person can leave you feeling empty. The key is to recognise when you're missing aspects of your life that you had before, and ensuring you don't give them up."
BY: Nageswarie, Rajeswary, Anita Raj, Kuganesh
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